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Humor: Five Ways To Tell You’re Eating Horse Meat

There has been considerable speculation lately about American meatpackers and restaurants slipping horse meat into their menus without identifying it. Although horseflesh has been an acceptable food in many countries around the world, it is still frowned upon by most American diners.

Therefore, as a service to our traveling seniors who are against eating a Dobbinburger or Seabiscuit steak, here are ways to tell when you suspect the meat on your plate once ran at Churchill Downs. It may help the next time you’re traveling in France, Belgium or Italy. People there consider horse meat a delicacy, but it’s not for you.

1. Before you sit down, you exclaim, “I’m so hungry I could eat a horse!” Then the waiter says, “Funny you should mention....”

2. When you try to cut into your flank steak, you hear a plaintively negative “Neigh”.
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3. Completing the horse meat dinner, you suddenly get up, whinny and run the mile in 1:34.

4. An hour after eating equus, you feel a sudden urge to watch a John Wayne movie.

5. You realize Hamlet asked the ultimate question about whether it was horse meat at Elsinore: “To be or not to be, that is the equestrian!”

(To our senior travelers: Hope the lame humor gives you a horse laugh!)

Sr Traveler Beware: A Few Of The Worst Pickpocket Cities

Of course, opinions and experience vary about the subject. Here are some of the more obvious locations where old Fagan’s advice, you've got to pick a pocket or two, seems most practiced.

Las Ramblas: Barcelona, Spain: The town’s famous wide, pedestrian walkway is full of life, music, and people at all hours of the day and night. It's the perfect place to get your purse, smartphone or wallet stolen. Enjoy yourself, but always be careful.

Rome, Italy With its ancient buildings and astounding historical and cultural attractions, Rome is crowds of tourists and incredible things to sightsee. With thousands admiring the Trevi Fountain or the Pantheon, it's easy for pickpockets to lift a camera or purse with a quick snip of scissors or some clever handiwork with a zipper or button.

Universal Studios, Hollywood CA: Walking Dead Experience

Next time you take your grandkids to the popular amusement park, be sure you experience this now everyday feature. Ghostly characters with bulging eyes and crazy faces wander around scaring everyone.

Sort of like a holiday gathering of your spouse’s relatives or attending a session of Congress in Washington. For more info, go to www.universalstudioshollywood.com

Las Vegas NV: Pedal Away From Glitz To Picturesque Bike Trails

A first reaction when asked about bike trails in Las Vegas could be: who takes time from the casinos to ride bikes in Sin City? It's difficult to envision gamblers getting up early in the morning to ride their Schwinns along traffic-choked roads.

It’s usually safe to ride bikes along the Strip and downtown Fremont Street areas. Squads of bicycle cops roam day and night, and are very effective in preventing street crime, as well as herding millions of visitors safely as they make their way around the city.

Bike rental agencies cater to visitors who want to exercise or get around congested Strip areas much more quickly than they can in cars and cabs. However, unless you're an expert cyclist with daily experience in big city traffic, it can be difficult biking in Las Vegas during rush hours.